|
|
Mom Life Features :  Back to Momlife |
|
| Finance and Investing Beauty and Style Home and Garden Family Life |
|
| Travel - Vacation Astrology Taxes |
|
| The Best Relationship Advice |
|
Divorced With Children |
|
Separation and divorce can be devastating but there are things you can do to support and comfort your child. Learn how to help your child cope with the negative short and long term effects of separation and divorce, as well as ways to prevent trauma and decrease hardship. Challenges that are confronted effectively can improve relationships and strengthen your child’s ability to cope.
It is hard to imagine a more difficult transition for a child than to be a party to his or her parents’ divorce. The children will know that nothing will ever be the same again, and their previously secure world is in a state of change. It is a state of upheaval.
Fortunately parents can help their kids during a divorce. By minimizing the tension the situation creates, being patient as everyone adjusts to the new situation, and responding openly and honestly to your kids’ concerns, you can help them through this difficult time.
If the parents can maintain a civil relationship then the children will have less stress during the difficult time.
As soon as you are certain of your plans, talk to your child about your decision to live apart. Although there’s no easy way to break the news, if possible have both parents be there for this conversation. And it’s important to leave feelings of anger, guilt or blame out of it. Even though the discussion should be tailored to a child’s age, maturity and temperament, be sure to convey one basic message: that it’s not their fault.
Give kids enough information to prepare them for any upcoming changes in their lives. Remember that kids just need to know enough to understand clearly how their lives are going to change.
Let them voice their emotions and help them to label them. Be a good listener when they respond, even if it’s difficult for you to hear what they have to say. Offer support at all times. They might not always accept your support, but its worth the try.
Keep yourself healthy. Finding ways to manage your own stress is essential for you and your entire family.
Depression, moodiness, acting out, poor performance in school, use of alcohol or other drugs, sexual activity, or chronic oppositional behavior can all signal that kids are having trouble. Teens may have behavior problems, exhibit depression, show poor school performance, run away from home, or get into trouble with the law. Regardless of whether such troubles are related to the divorce, they are serious problems that affect a teen’s well – being and indicate the need for
outside help.
Your child may refuse to share time with you and your spouse equally and may try to take sides. If this occurs, as hard as it is, try not to take it personally.
Consistency in routine and discipline across the households is important. Similar expectations regarding bedtimes, rules, and homework will reduce anxiety. Wherever possible work with the other parent to maintain consistent rules – and even when you can’t enforce them in your ex – partner’s home, you can stick to them in yours.
It’s important to maintain as much normalcy as possible after a divorce by keeping regular routines, including mealtimes, house rules about behavior and discipline. Relaxing limits, especially during a time of change, tends to make kids insecure and reduces your chances of regaining appropriate parental authority later.
Divorce is a major crisis for a family. But if you and your former spouse can work together and maintain a civil relationship for the benefit of your children, the original family unit can continue to be a source of strength, even if stepfamilies enter the picture.
|
|
|
|
| Featured Advertisers |
|
 |
|
|
